Crazy Bible Verses: What are God's Views on Hair?

What does the Bible say about male pattern baldness?

In 2 Kings 2:23-25 the Lord God proves himself to be a merciless killing machine. But, instead of striking his foe down with lightning or, possibly, a giant foot crushing down from above somehow, he gets two bears to do the murdering for him.

The victims of this wrath to be torn apart and eaten are, of course, dastardly miscreants so vile that a forgiving God would take such measures: They are 42 kids.

A prophet named Elisha was out for a walk, probably prophesying on behalf of the Lord. Going through Bethel the little kids of the town ran out and mocked him something terrible. You know how cruel kids can be? And the language! They no doubt spoke like New York City construction workers with severe cases of Tourette's.

At the risk of some overly prudish person flagging this blog post, I'm going to repeat what they said.

But first here's a disclaimer...

What they said was (whispering): "Go up, thou bald head; Go up, thou bald head."

Elisha, being a man of God, did not take this in good stride. Instead he cursed them in the name of the Lord who then sent forth the carnivorous grizzly wrath.

After being eaten by the bears there is little doubt that these children will spend eternity in hell where they will agonizingly pay for their sins.


And let this serve as a lesson to you: The Lord God does not appreciate jokes about male pattern baldness. So take that Jason Alexander...

Oh, wait: Jason Alexander is bald, himself. Anyway, as I was saying: Clearly from scripture we can see that Mr. Alexander, Patrick Stewart, and the Bald Eagle are smiled down upon by the Lord.

But now I suddenly remember the story of Samson from Sunday school.

If God killed to defend a prophet's right to be a chrome dome, what of Samson? It's a mixed message from the Lord!

Samson, a murderous killing machine in his own right (at one point slaughtering 1000 enemy soldiers with only the jawbone of a donkey), had his great vigor come somehow magically from his locks. Why would God be on the side of a baldy like Elisha and then put so much weight in Samson's full head of hair?

Samson fell in love with a woman named Delilah. The Philistines bribed her to find the secret of his great strength. He eventually relented and told her that it, 'was all about the hair, baby.'

While he slept she had it cut off.

God fled as if to say, 'I'm not spending no more time on this hairless freak. No more special powers for you!'

Now his enemies blinded him and put him to work grinding grain. This was a man who had at one point attached torches to the tails of 300 foxes to burn the crops of his foes, and now he was reduced to being a sightless slave labourer.

This has a happy ending, however...

People were apparently really stupid in Biblical times. Quickly forgetting that Samson was all about hair power, his captors let it grow back. Making an appearance at a temple so that his captors could further laugh at him, he pushed down the central pillars killing himself and everyone inside. Infact, the Bible boasts that, '...he killed many more as he died than while living' (Judges 16:30).

So why this hypocracy from the Lord? Why does he not want anything to do with a bald Samson after having defended a prophet with less hair than a billiard ball? The answer is that, when you read the Bible, it all evens out. It's like God's saying, "I got way too drunk last Saturday night and had 42 kids killed. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. I'll just give that good-looking guy from the Sorek Valley Superman-like strength" Then later: "He did what to that lion and all of those army guys? Oh, I liked that lion and some of those army guys. Alright, if he cuts off his hair he loses his strength..."

It all balances out.


Crazy Bible versus cited...

Kids getting killed by bears...

2 Kings 2:23-24: And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Samson killing 1000 soldiers with the jaw of a donkey...

Judges 15:15: And he found a fresh jawbone of a donkey, and put out his hand and took it, and with it he struck 1,000 men.

With his hair gone God flees Samson...

Judges 16: 19-20: And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him.

And she said, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he awoke out of his sleep, and said, I will go out as at other times before, and shake myself. And he wist not that the LORD was departed from him.

Samson commits animal cruelty to destroy his enemies crops...

Judges 15:4-5: So he went out and caught three hundred foxes and tied them tail to tail in pairs. He then fastened a torch to every pair of tails, lit the torches and let the foxes loose in the standing grain of the Philistines. He burned up the shocks and standing grain, together with the vineyards and olive groves.

The Real Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Marcel Petiot

In 1942 Gay Paris had been reduced to a dull, dreary place filled with people who were almost starving: The Nazis had occupied. Known for their brutality, the invaders weren't behind this: Body parts started showing up. Headless torsos wrapped up in trunks were being pulled from the river Seine; legs, arms, and other appendages were found all over town; everything mutilated beyond recognition as to hinder identification of the victims: Faces were removed, as were finger tips. One thing was clear: From the precision of the dissection someone skilled in surgery had turned to murdering.

Meanwhile word spread through night clubs and caf├ęs that if you needed to escape the Nazis there was a secret network that would get you to South America. The mastermind behind it? A Dr. Marcel Petiot.

Petiot had been a weird kid. A bed wetter up to the age of 12, he often refused to sleep preferring to take long nighttime walks instead. Very intelligent, he quickly found an interest in erotic literature. He also showed signs of delinquency: Harming animals and stealing things. The petty thefts would develop into kleptomania. He grew up to serve in World War 1, became a doctor who helped the poor, a rising political star within the Socialist Party, a member of the French resistance, and, he was also a serial killer.

There were always signs that there was something wrong with him. Institutionalized as a young man, he used his military pension to go to medical school and then became a doctor in an asylum, himself. Settling in the town of Villeneuve-sur-Yonne there were a few murders, disappearances, and suspicious deaths, but nothing would be pinned on him: Aside from being the mayor he was also the town's coroner.

Petiot was well liked by many, often giving the poor free medical care. But he was also signing them up for government assistance without them knowing it and collecting the money himself. Considered to eventually become a minister in the French federal government, his political career ended in scandal: He stole everything! From little trinkets, to gasoline, he even rerouted electricity to his home! If it was there for the taking he had to have it.

The doctor was eloquent and charming, and even wrote poetry and sketched. His philosophy was that all great fortunes and colonies have been made through theft, war, and conquest: It's only natural to take whatever you wanted because the law of the jungle prevails. Morality was created by those who possess so that no one takes their things.

In 1943 the Germans caught wind of Petiot's secret organization that smuggled people out of the country. They infiltrated it and arrested those involved. The Doctor had used a barber shop to make first contact with those he'd help escape but would really kill. Now he and three of his accomplices were in prison. Under torture he led his interrogators to believe that he was not the leader of the organization, instead he worked for another physician and that he was just a middleman who knew nothing. Unexpectedly, the Germans let the prisoners go and Petiot went back to killing.

He had a mansion at 21 rue Le Sueur. While he lived with his wife and son somewhere else, this property would become the gruesome site where many wealthy people were led expecting to be on the road to freedom, only to be killed and dismembered in the basement. Petiot would explain that they needed a vaccination before the trip to Argentina and inject them with a poison like strychnine. But hooks hanging from the ceiling and a hidden room complete with a viewing glass later gave police reason to believe that many died slowly as the mad Doctor watched. And collecting the money, gold, and jewellery that the victims had hoped to take with them, he lived like a king in wartime France.

The bodies were piling up. On March 11, 1944, neighbours complained of smoke and a terrible smell coming from the mansion. The fire brigade and then the police were called. Petiot wasn't home and he'd quickly go into hiding. His story was that he was with the Resistance and the murdered had been the enemies of France (when many were really Jews trying to escape the Holocaust). This led to police officers being conflicted as to whether they should arrest him. But as the investigation continued the barbarity of the crimes could not be looked over. He never left Paris and was soon recognized at a train station.

After a dramatic trial where he professed his innocence, Petiot was sentenced to death.

He spent his last days writing poetry and sketching. When he was led to the guillotine he was remarkably in a good mood. Petiot's last words were: "Gentleman, I have one last piece of advise: Look away. This will not be pretty to see." Then the head of France's homicidal doctor ended up in a wicker basket.

Serial killers, French serial killers, France mass murder, murder in Hitler germany, France history, executions in France

The God of War: Baron Ungern-Sternberg

Independance for Mongolia?

There are two Mongolias: Inner and Outer Mongolia. The former belongs to China while the latter is now an independent nation. It wasn't always that way. In 1911, because of civil war in China, Mongolian princes got together and decided to succeed to form their own nation. They were supported by (then Czarist) Russia. They chose the Bogd Khan who was the living Buddha, to be their new leader. As 'Khan' (our version of King) he would just be a figure head: The country would really be under feudal/military rule. But then there was confusion from their Russian allies as the communists took over and civil war broke out there, too. The Chinese quickly regained control of the region.

A Confused Russia

As Russian soldiers of different loyalties fought it out with each other, things were a mess. The Red Army was loyal to Lenin and the Bolshevik revolution while the White Army knew that they were defending God and the Czar. There was even a Green Army who fought for themselves, attacking both sides.

Russia had a unit called the Asiatic Mounted Division stationed way out in Siberia. Their leader was a man named Baron Roman Federovich von Ungern-Sternberg. It's hard to say which side he was on, only that the last thing that he was was a communist.

God of War

The Mongolians would call him, 'Tsagan Burkhan' which translates to, 'God of War.' In the west he was known as the Mad or Bloody Baron.

If you thought that Buddhism was a peaceful religion then you've never heard of Baron von Sternberg!

He had been a hero during World War 1 but the Russian army was too scared to promote him because they politely suspected that he was a nutcase. So they gave him a command post in the far east of the Russian territories to get rid of him. When the civil war broke out he was at first loyal to the Czar. But he and his ragtag group of men started attacking the Whites as much as the Reds. He had fallen in love with the nomadic lifestyle of the people in the region. He was drawn to eastern mysticism.

Accepting Buddhism as the only religion that made sense, he began to realize that he was the reincarnation of Genghis Khan. He also discovered that he was psychic. Staring into the eyes of the men who were under his command, he'd decide which ones were worthy to serve him and which ones he'd have shot.

In 1921 he drove the Chinese out of Mongolia. Reinstating the Bogd Khan as figurehead, he was now the dictator of this new country. While he ruled with an iron fist and made decisions based on prophecy, he also introduced the Mongolian people to telephones and public transportation.

He let his soldiers indulge in alcohol, opium, and hashish. They were also supposed to abstain from having sex. This was intended to turn them into the perfect killing machines. And the Baron didn't care how many people he had killed because they'd be reincarnated anyway.

The Baron's rule didn't last long: Just under 6 months. In need of more drunken conquests, he reentered communist Russian territory and was captured and executed.

The Baron was one Buddhist who certainly hadn't best represented the peaceful side of that religion.

Check out Ferdynand Ossendowski's account of the Baron in his biographical novel...

How Will The World End?

It's The End Of The World As You Know It:

There have always been doomsayers predicting the end of mankind. After all things went downhill for the dinosaurs pretty quick. When will it happen to us? And how?

Nuclear Annihilation:

Now that the Cold War is over and the USA and Russia are the best of friends, is Kim Jong-Un crazy enough to unleash his nuclear arsenal on the world?

Crushed From Above Somehow:

It's believed that the dinosaurs disappeared because of a huge asteroid. They died quickly in a massive heat wave caused by it and then debris entered the atmosphere blocking out the sun and causing a nuclear winter, finishing any stragglers off.

And all of this was caused by a rock thought to have been 5km in diameter!

In 2002 astronomers discovered an asteroid 2km wide that will have a near miss with the earth in 2019. Also in 2002 one 100 meters wide passed the earth even closer than the moon! If it had hit us it would have caused the destruction equivalent of an atomic bomb.


In the 14th century the Black Plague killed half of the population of China. Then it spread west to Europe. In total it may have wiped out as many as 100 million people. Could a global pandemic end the world as you know it? It's possible and even likely with diseases like Ebola being a major threat. 

Disease causing microbes, once thought to have been eradicated, are becoming drug resistant. Newer and stronger antibiotics are needed as they build up a tolerance to what is trying to kill them. This has been happening with the disease many thought was eradicated: Tuberculosis.

Once known as consumption it was only by the 1880s that it was realized to be contagious. Efforts were made for better hygiene and to put sufferers in sanatoriums. A vaccine was introduced and, while it was surprisingly slow to catch on, it became popular by the 1950s.

It's probable that 1/3 of everyone in the world carries the virus for TB. When someone in a rich country has an outbreak they are most likely tested to see if they have the drug-resistant strain. In poorer places they don't have the resources. India has about two million cases a year while China has one million. Recently what doctors call TDR TB (totally drug-resistant) has broken out in India and before that had been seen in Iran.

A disease that's spread through the air, the infection rates are high as one person can pass it on to hundreds.


Is the most expensive box-office flop the future of mankind?

Nope. Most of the ice in polar regions is floating so If the North Pole melts it will only replace the floating ice that it is displacing. And Antarctica is simply too cold to ever melt.The oceans are rising due to shrinking glaciers. So while places at sea level are in for flooding, Toronto will never be Waterworld.  

Death by Volcano:

Forget about all of the above. The real threat is the earth itself! Yellowstone National Park may be a nice place to take pics but it also has the power to wipe out all life on the planet. That's because it's a supervolcano. The geysers and hot springs that make the park famous are powered by a sea of magma thought to be 6 miles down and 30 miles wide and another 6 miles deep. And the even worse news is that the ground there has been slowly going up as pressure builds. One of the largest volcanoes there is, the last time it erupted was 640,000 years ago. Now many think we're overdue. If it goes off it could wipe out North America and launch debris into the atmosphere that would block out the sun. In 1816 a much smaller volcano went off in Indonesia sending an estimated 93 cubic miles of ash into the atmosphere. 1816 became known as the year without a summer as the earth's temperature cooled and farmers had little to harvest. People as far away as Europe starved.  

Alien Invasion:

For years we have been sending radio signals into space. Could unfriendly aliens be listening? The SETI Institute is even doing the possibly unwise thing of actively looking for these extraterrestrials.

Being A Witch Used To Be Illegal You Know

Even in Roman times people feared witches. It's not surprising because it was common knowledge that they had the ability to fly around at night and make men impotent and eat children.

In his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul states that, '...the sacrifices of pagans are offered to demons, not to God, and I do not want you to be participants with demons.' (10:20). In Deuteronomy 18:10-11 it says, 'Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead.' And in Exodus 22:18 it goes so far to say this simple sentence: 'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.'

Clearly the Bible shows us that the Lord God is very fervent about His witch killing policies. And, in the Middle Ages, his command was put into full effect...

Sometimes cooler heads prevailed. Charlemagne did not believe in witchcraft and even went so far as to impose the death penalty on anyone who accused and burned a witch. But what did Charlemagne know, anyway? All he did was save the Holy Roman Empire.

Plague, bad crops, and even a loss of one's own virility could all be blamed on witches.

King James the 1rst was so smart that he did believe in witchcraft. He knew that as God's chosen monarch he was all that stood between the forces of good and Satan taking over the British Isles. Witches wanted to have him dead because, without an inbred unelected despotic ruler, all kinds of calamity would break out.

When he was getting married to Anne of Denmark, the couple encountered terrible storms at sea. James knew that the witches were at it again.

So you see: There's a cause and effect. Severe weather threatens the life of the King. How do you explain something like that if it weren't for people in line with Satan trying to kill him with magical powers?

Justice prevailed at the North Berwick witch trials and out of all of the people convicted and sent to their deaths, some had been found guilty of sending storms out against the royal ship.  

All is saved...

By the 1640's England had it's own self-appointed, 'Witch Finder General.' Mathew Hopkins was a Christian so pious and cunning that he could just smell a witch. When there was a mysterious illness affecting a respected tailor's wife , he knew exactly who to blame: An 80-year-old toothless woman with one leg named Elizbeth Clarke. After obtaing a confession from the old spinster, Hopkins began a distinguished career ending the lives of those who were in league with the Devil. From 1645 to 1647 more people were put to death for witchcraft then in the previous 100 years.

If Mathew Hopkins were alive today he'd wear a suit like this.
This is how Hopkin's obtained his confessions...  

You have a Witch if they fail these tests...

Witch Pricking: If you stab the offender with a needle and they do not bleed, then you have a witch.

Watching and Walking: The suspect would sit on a chair in the middle of an empty room, kept awake for days. If they got tired they'd be made to walk around the circumference of the room. It was important not to let them sleep and a confession could be obtained through this method after 3 or 4 days.

Witch Swimming: Another popular method to establish guilt. It was scientifically known that water was good and thus from God. The defendant was thrown into water and if they floated they were being rejected by it and therefore a witch. If they sank they were innocent but, often drowned: It didn't matter because they were with God now.

Today the practise of witch hunting has fallen out of favour. Except in...

Countries like Saudi Arabia where witchcraft is still a capital offence. Is it possible that the only thing keeping Satan's minions from overrunning the earth is the Saudi judicial system?

1930 Tragedy in Hollywood

Ten Die As Two Planes Collide While Filming  A Movie

But first some background: 

The Mysterious Death of Alfred Lowenstein...

He was one of the richest and most powerful men in Europe. An investor, he also owned a company which built electrical infrastructure in developing countries. A pilot who liked to race horses, he had been a Belgian soldier during the First World War. Now Alfred Lowenstein was one of the most famous men in the world. But in July of 1928 he was a passenger on his private plane. Going back, seemingly to use the washroom, he opened the wrong door and fell 4000 feet into the English Channel. Suicide? Murder? Everybody had a theory. But nobody has ever figured out why he died in such bizarre circumstances.

A Golden Age

Meanwhile Hollywood was booming. The talkie had been invented so now we could actually hear actors speak. While other countries were slow to adopt the new technology, America dove into it and the US movie industry was now on the map. Film was big business and stars became royalty.

Such Men Are Dangerous

With all the talk on how Alfred Lowenstein had died filming began based on the events. Three aircraft were used for the jump scene and, with his death still shrouded in mystery, two of the planes collided sending ten people to their own demise in the Pacific Ocean. The star of the movie, Warner Baxter, survived as he was not present. Among the dead was the director Kenneth Hawks, husband to the beautiful star Mary Astor. As two camera planes were filming a third from which a parachutist would jump, one of the camera planes slide slipped into the other. Wings were entangled, there was an explosion, later ships and blimps could not recover all of the bodies. Three men, including Hawks, jumped from the planes and died from their falls.  

Watch The Entire Movie Here...

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